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Monday, January 02, 2006
Why does life have to be so complicated? You think you know what you are doing, then -BAM- you find out you have no idea. I think it is easier when you were a kid- when you thought you knew everything and were naive and ignorant. Ignorance can be bliss, that is really true. Or, if not bliss, then blissfully uncomplicated. Which is just about as good. It is when you have to start examining things in life, really closely examining things- that is when everything you thought you knew (and actually didn't) goes flying right out the window. How do you know where to draw the line, when is enough introspection too much? I know that some is necessary and good- but too much and when is there time to live your life? "You twist to fit the mold that I am in" I've spent too much of my life twisting to fit the molds that were set out before me. I have a talent (if you want to call it that) of figuring out what is wanted of me and becoming exactly that thing. That doesn't leave much room for being what I want to be. It has been so long, my whole life really, I don't think I even know what, who, I want to be. Not most of the time. I am getting better at it though. It is easier for me to know what I don't want, how I don't want to be. One thing I do know is that I want to be accepted my my "differentness". That is what makes me special, what makes me- me. I've finally figured out I can't ever be what everyone wants. It will tear me apart into a million little pieces. But as I've spent years trying my best to give those around me what they want of me, the change can be quite upsetting to others. If you're used to me being one way (i.e. your way) and suddenly, I stop doing that- well, hell- THIS is a no good thing. For them anyhow.... So I am learning to deal with that. Not pleasing others. Figuring out what I want then figuring out how to get it. Talk about complicated....
 
posted by Lisa at 1/02/2006 07:22:00 PM ¤ Permalink ¤


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